12 Pains of Christmas Lyrics

Lyrics to The 12 Pains of Christmas by Bob Rivers*

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Angry husband:

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Man getting over being drunk:

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Exhausted man:

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Hangovers

Rigging up the lights

And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Nervous wife:

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!

Hangovers

Rigging up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Nervous wife's husband:

The Salvation Army

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Sending Christmas cards

Oh, geez!

I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:

Whining kid:

I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

Charities,

And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?

Five months of bills!

Oh, making out these cards

Honey, get me a beer, huh?

What, we have no extension cords?!?

And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me

A tired father:

Finding parking spaces

DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!

Donations!

Facing my in-laws

Five months of bills!

Writing out those Christmas cards

Hangovers!

Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?

And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:

A mother:

"Batteries Not Included"

No parking spaces

BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!

Get a job, ya bum!

Oh, facing my in-laws!

Five months of bills!

Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards

Oh, geez, look at this!

One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!

And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

A male couch potato:

Stale TV specials

"Batteries Not Included"

No parking spaces

DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!

Charities!

She's a witch...I hate her!

Five months of bills!

Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!

Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?

Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!

And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:

Two men:

Singing Christmas carols

Stale TV specials

"Batteries Not Included"

No parking?!?

WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!

Charities!

Gotta make 'em dinner!

Five months of bills!

I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!

Shut up, you!

FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!

And finding a Christmas tree 

*I make no money from this it's strictly for informative purposes. All rights belong to Bob Rivers